It's night time. I enter my room; things were just the way I left them - dried clothes on the chair, my computer downloading movies, an empty water bottle on the floor, the smell of Trésor by Lancôme still lingering in the air and my messed up bed. The fan, running. Ahh, this is the life.
No matter how I leave my room, I will never switch off the fan. It keeps the room ventilated, dries my towel and gives me a nice gush of air the moment I enter my room, baked from the weather outside.
I plug my smartphone to the charger, put my bag away, change into something more comfortable for the night, fix up something to eat, play some good music and relax. Friends visit, we talk and laugh. Some complain, some entertain, some gossip and some just like to drop in to say hi. The fan keeps running.
I think about them, their issues, contemplate on what I would've done. I talk to them, try to help them. How much importance do we give to trivial things in life? A broken heart, a heated argument, jealousy, materialism, a man’s ego and a female's envy. Hours pass by and nothing seems to be done. Just another talk. The fan keeps running.
Morning follows; the usual routine. Library, coffee, books. Alas, my room again.
The fan is still running.
I hear the fan running. Reminds me how things don't always happen smoothly. How people around you can make you miserable. How friends turn into enemies. How you can badly miss a hug from mum and dad and can do nothing about it. How you miss giggling with your brothers and you feel tears trickling down your cheeks in a matter of seconds. I miss everything.
It’s an irony how people who hurt you the most teach you the greatest lessons in life. Yes, they taught me.
I hear the fan running. This time it made an unusual "krikkk" sound. Aligning to my feelings, I presume. Weird the world is. People judge you based on your group of companies, who you have your lunch with, even whom you go to the toilet with. You lower your ego to the pit, apologize for what's not your mistake.
I laugh at myself. Who are we trying to satisfy? The society, the friend or yourself? Probably a question where many have been asking for years. Or throughout their lives.
Sometimes I sit and think about the good old days, old friends, true relations. Silence surrounds me. Only the sound of the running fan. Everything just happens so fast. So far away from home, I wonder if I really have people who matter to me. Friends who I assume to be close. Those who if asked to do something, don't question. Those, to whom I can bare my soul and still know that they would remain the same.
I trust too much. I fall. I get up, stabilize and then I fall again. I learn. I smile. I laugh. The thing with coming to a conclusion is that it always has the potential to change. I smirk. I remain optimistic. The fan keeps running.
Apart from the select few, all are the same. Feels bad to judge and to part from people you once loved. But moving on is a necessity. Those who don't understand me now, can never understand me later. I wipe that tear drop and switch off the lights.
The fan keeps running, my life keeps on moving.
By Zaara Ishtar Milana