"We are what we pretend to be."
When I was about 13-14, nothing much really mattered to me. But fitting in and being cool felt important at the time, as much as I hate to admit it. After observing the seniors in school, I created my own perception on what’s cool which all boils down to teenage rebellion. But deep down I knew no matter how hard I tried to look like those girls with dyed hair, ankle socks and half-zipped pinafores, I would do whatever my teachers told me to do and accepted every punishment I knew I wholly deserved without a word.
Around the same time, my best friend and I discovered what you would call alternative music. None of our classmates had any idea what were we talking about because “OH MY GOSH GUYS, YOU MEAN YOU DON’T LISTEN TO JUSTIN BIEBER???” That was when I started listening to music strictly from the bands we- well, mostly she (because somehow she was always one step ahead of me) discovered. But I realized there was a certain look the fans of all these bands sported. They had tattoos, piercings, heavily-sprayed dyed hair and black clothing. The only thing I had in common with these people was my preference to dark clothing. So I told myself I will get myself badass tattoos and piercings once I turn 18. I would dye my hair blue and wear thick eyeliner.
To quote my favorite book, “Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I’ve ever known.” You are also the combined effort of every book you’ve ever read, every song you’ve ever loved and every nightmare you’ve ever had. Because of that, your personality and interests change. Nobody should judge the choices people make which result in change, as long as nobody gets hurt. Your hair might be blue now and might still be blue 20 years later. Just know that your identity can change over time because your journey of self-discovery lasts a lifetime.
It sounds cliché, but you can actually be whoever you want to be. Does that make you a poser? Absolutely. And it’s okay because, in the end, we’re all posers. And the best of us are the ones who have the guts to admit it.